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Life is all about choices.  We chose everything we do, say, eat and think.  Why is it some choices are so gut-wrenching?  I have to chose a midwife or a doctor….SOON!  Everytime I think about it, I feel like I’m going to vomit so I quickly switch gears and think of something else.  I have to figure this one out.

As much as I thought I wanted a home birth with a midwife, now, I’m just not so sure.  Maybe it is because I haven’t found a midwife that truly sings to my heart and soul yet.  Maybe I’m scared of the responsibility of having a baby in my home.

I think that if there is something causing this much stress within my body at the mere thought of my birth process that there is for sure some unresolved, underlying fear, doubt, intuition….   I have to give weight to this.  I can’t even recall another time in my life in which merely thinking briefly about a topic caused me to have internal physical strife like this.

I’ve been attracting and intending twins as my second pregnancy since before I was even married.  I’ve always thought that the “perfect” child order would be first pregnancy, 1 child, second pregnancy, twins, and third pregnancy 1 child.  Although I’ve wanted mostly girls, either sex would be fine.  Perhaps all of this physical reaction that I’m having is because I am in fact pregnant with twins and I won’t be able to use a midwife for my delivery outside of a hospital.

What to do??  I just think I’ll have to wait.  Wait and see what happens and where we go from here.  Perhaps a preliminary ultrasound would be best to see if there are twins in there afterall.

I wrote this about someone who has recently come into my life as a teacher and friend….enjoy!

personality:
intrigued by life’s energy
happily unsettled

The first haiku I’ve written in probably 20 years.

quickness gifted god
in fear I no longer dwell
Source Energy…me

Can you believe @givedaddy is giving away a $200 Target card? 10 chances to win http://ow.ly/JT6A #givedaddytarget

Nov 7th is the deadline. Going to get the house and all its contents sorted by then and ready to go! I have help and ambition to succeed. What more do I need?

I discovered that I have for too long been focusing on some negative relationships in my past.  The same outcomes continue to present themselves again and again in any work type relationship I seem to form.  Wonder what the correlation could possibly be!  har har

So I asked myself, how can I resolve these bad feelings that I have of these past relationships and I think I may have figured out a way to do just that.  In each of them there were great things that I accomplished and that I was praised for.  I think that instead of focusing on what I think I did “wrong” that I can chose to remember what I did “right” and what I felt good about during those times.

Feeling bad only perpetuates feeling bad.  Choosing to feel good, well, it just feels good!